by Tessa Bielecki

Wednesday, January 4

Before Fr. Dave left for Tucson to see his family today, we visited Jessica briefly and for her prayed the prayer of St. Elizabeth of the Trinity, which Jessica has always loved. It has been so meaningful for me, too, over the years, but the last lines are even more powerful as Jessica is dying: "O my Three, my all, my beatitude, infinite solitude, immensity in which I lose myself, I yield myself up to You as a prey; bury Yourself in me, that I may bury myself in You, while awaiting the time to go and contemplate in Your light the abyss of Your greatness. Amen."

Thursday, January 5

Today I went for a hike into the red rocks, sat on a large slab of Coconino sandstone and sobbed and sobbed with grief over losing Jessica as my mother, sister, and friend. (I don't want to grieve around the deathbed, so Jessica knows she can let go.) I had intended to be gone for only an hour, but on the way back I got hopelessly lost (I was disoriented anyway), and could not find my way in the tangle of scrub oak, manzanita, and catclaw acacia. I finally came to a house and met a young man who generously hiked out with me and put me on the path again. Jessica wanted us to come and sing Compline that night instead of waiting for the next night. "Perfect," she said, after the final blessing. "It makes me weep with joy.... So many memories."

Next Journal Entry || Fr. Dave Denny's Reflections on Jessica